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How To Be A Woman: A Letter To My Daughter On Her 18th Birthday
Today you are 18. An adult. A woman. I’ve been reminding myself of that for the past few months whenever I had the urge to advise you on something. “It’s okay. She’s practically an adult now. She can do this.”
The Creation Destruction Cycle
Your probably know the feeling. You’ve been working to create something in your life. Maybe it’s calling in the perfect relationship. Maybe it’s losing those last stubborn pounds. Maybe it’s cultivating a feeling of deep inner calm.
You’ve been working on this for weeks, months — maybe even years.
This is me and the brick wall I’ve been whacking my head against.
Whack, whack, whack…
And it feels like you keep whacking your head against a brick wall. The very thing you want so badly to create in your life is almost within your grasp…oh wait, it’s not. Splat. You hit the brick wall again. So you keep trying. You pour your heart and soul into this thing-you-need-to-do.
But there’s still a wall in your way. And it looks bigger than the last time you whacked your head on it.
So you keep trying. And there’s the wall again. But you keep trying. Harder, even.
You start looking for other ways, ways around that blasted wall. If not this way, maybe that, right? Stick to it! Isn’t that what your mom told you? (It’s what MY mom told ME, and most of our moms went to the same Mom-school.)
So you stick to it. You keep trying to get through the wall.
“What am I supposed to do with this?” you wonder, picking wall-dust out of your hair. “How do I get back on the horse, back in the game, back to building the thing-I-need-to-do?”
You don’t.
(Stay with me a sec.)
Creation feels like soaring, like you are responsible for the genesis of a brilliant shining star.
We’re either Creating or Destroying
I’ve come to believe we humans are designed to experience life in cycles. Two cycles, to be exact.
We are either Creating or we are Destroying (puddled on the bathroom floor in uglyface tears after our dreams fall in teensy pieces doesn’t count as a cycle). That’s it. Everything falls under either Creating or Destroying.
Creation feels like soaring, like you are responsible for the genesis of a brilliant shining star. Your spirits soar as you strive to express the deep Who I Am bubbling upward from far inside you from a deep and ancient place.
Sometimes we feel immersed in Creation, feeling our spirit soar as we strive to express the deep Who Am I from within and erect tall glorious buildings on shifting sands.
Other times, our humble buildings shatter and fall in pieces in Destruction around our heads as we duck and try to stand once again on those same shifting sands.
Destruction of our dreams feels like this looks.
Ow. Destruction hurts!
A dream I had crumbled today. My love and I are building a work-life together. We have big plans and big dreams. For the past five weeks, we’ve been breathing these dreams daily, filling them in, making them more real.
But we keep hitting walls.
Convinced we were on the right path, we kept trying again. And again. Try harder! My inner voice asserts. Go! Go! I feel like the lead dog in the Iditarod*. A dog that runs into brick walls.
(Ow, my poor doggie head)
Until today, when my love says to me to shelve the project. For now. Work on other stuff. For now.
And I stood and wept amid the dust and rubble, grieving the loss of what-might-have-been. Afraid to face the truth of what-is.
But we do. We go on. We humans are wired to go on, no matter how tall and glorious our buildings once were. We go on, no matter how much dust and rubble surrounds us. We do. This is what we do. This is how we live.
Who doesn’t love Creation?
Creation and Destruction are inescapable
Creation and Destruction is everywhere, in every part of our experience as beings on this planet. We are born and we die. We eat and we eliminate. We breathe in and breathe out. We are born to always rise again from the ashes of What Was and to turn our gaze upon What Could Be.
If you are in the Creation part of a cycle — celebrate! I’ll celebrate with you. What you’re building looks gorgeous and amazing from here.
If you are in the Destruction part of a cycle — celebrate! First I’ll hold your metaphorical hand and help you grieve, but then … possibility. Clean slate. Everything is fresh and new in this place. Ready for your wonderful new buildings, the wonderful new version of Who You Are.
Rise, Phoenix! Rise!
Love and smooshy hugs,
Talyaa
P.S. Want insight as to your Creation and Destruction cycles over the next year? It might just be time to explore your Wild & Delicious Life.
*The Iditarod is an 1110+ mile annual sled dog race from Anchorage, Alaska to Nome, Alaska. There was a time I thought I might actually want to try racing in it. *cough*
Questions? Get in touch.
Heart Zap Meditation
If you feel sad, disconnected, isolated, or just need a boost in the amount of love you feel, this is the practice for you.
How To Learn A Language From A Past Life
Is it possible to remember how to speak a language by accessing a past life in which you spoke that language? Here’s how to do it.
What To Do When You’re Scared And Freaking Out
It’s hard to be scared. Here’s how to go from Scared & Freaking Out to cool as a cucumber in just 4 easy steps. Plus you might discover a superpower!
25 Ways To Be Beautiful Today
We are constantly bombarded with images and messages telling us what beauty should be, but what is beauty? Here are 25 ways to be more beautiful right now.
Removing Your Chakras (Do This Instead)
Evidently there is a growing movement to “remove” one’s chakras, purportedly to help a person banish “negative” emotions and experience higher-frequency vibrations. I call bullshit.
Collective Grief: Sadness That Isn’t Yours
Many energetically sensitive people tap into collective grief happening elsewhere in the world, and it can be difficult to trace the source.
Grief, Loss, Praise, and Pandemic: Healing Grief Through Community
If our ancestors could not properly grieve, that grief becomes a “ghost” attached to new generations, until the burden of grieving that loss falls to us.
Mercury Retrograde — A Communication Upgrade
Don’t fear the Retro! Mercury Retrograde is your perfect time to go in a go deep. In a Retrograde you’ll get plenty of chances to fine-tune your communication style — while at the same time helping you practice how to be a better listener. Win-win!
11 Ways to Calm Your Inner Gremlin
Banish your head’s inner gremlins with these 11 easy ways to re-gain a state of zen like calm.
How To Be A Woman: A Letter To My Daughter On Her 18th Birthday
Today you are 18. An adult. A woman. I’ve been reminding myself of that for the past few months whenever I had the urge to advise you on something. “It’s okay. She’s practically an adult now. She can do this.”