Some Personal Thoughts On Racism

oracle-of-destiny-journal-racism-thoughts

I'm posting this to give you insight as to who I am and how I relate in the world. Reading my thoughts here may help you to know whether I am a person you wish to work with or not.

I’ve been thinking lately about racism.

First, let me say up front that I know that as a white person I’m not qualified to talk about the experiences of people of color. And that’s part of my overall point.

Recently I saw a question posed elsewhere on social media: “As a white person, would you say you are not racist?” If I can accurately assess a social media user solely by their profile photo, I’d say the question-asker was Black (I think this matters in the context of the type of responses they got).

Most of the comments to this post were (presumably) white people saying no, they’re not racist. To be honest, I wanted to think the same thing of myself.

But I would have been inaccurate.

I think I am racist, and I hate it. I think all white people are, to some degree.

(Stay with me here.)

I think racism exists on a spectrum — some blatant and overt, some much less so — but I think *all* white people are on that spectrum.

It’s been engrained in us for generations. This is not the same thing as saying “it’s not our fault”.

I sing to my cats. I make up silly songs about them to the tunes of various songs that dwell in my brain and I sing these songs to my cats. These are often tunes I’ve known since childhood, because they’ve been there the longest and are easiest to access.

So imagine my chagrin when I notice I’m making up a cat-song to the tune of “Camptown Races”. Or “Oh! Susanna”. I know these songs are racist. And they’re still a part of my brain and my past from when I learned them.

This is my way of saying that racism is so engrained and embedded in the culture that influenced me and probably most white Americans (and likely white people all over the world, with the white-European-centrism that has existed for centuries) that it takes consistent effort and a desire to acknowledge rampant, pervasive racism and the privilege it accords to make change.

I have to face and acknowledge this ugliness within me in order to change it.

I don’t want to be racist. I think many, hopefully most, of us don’t. I know that some people think it’s okay to be racist, but I want to face this in myself and change it. So I read up on ways I’m likely to be unconsciously racist. I learn new things all the time, and do my best to incorporate them into my thoughts and behaviors.

But the thing is, it’s pervasive, insidious. Institutional.

It’s been educational living in a place where, judging by my appearance, I am now the “other”. I’m an obvious foreigner here in Mexico. I can’t change that. My skin is very white and my features are Northern European. I will likely never be mistaken for a Mexican (even though many Mexicans have a light skin tone like mine, and I’ve learned not to presume where a person I encounter here might be from based on their appearance).

And, while on the whole people here are overwhelmingly cordial, welcoming, and friendly, every once in a while I feel someone treating me a little differently than I observe them treating others. It’s subtle, but I wonder if this isn’t in some way similar to what many brown and black people living in the USA might experience at times (not to suggest that I’m in any way comparing my lived experience as a white foreigner in Mexico to that of a person of color in the USA, merely to suggest that in this small way I think I can better imagine the lived experiences of people of color in the USA).

We must, as individuals, do better. We must, together, do better. I believe we will, but the wheels of change on this magnitude turn slowly.

Meanwhile, I shall continue to endeavor to learn further ways in which I’ve been racist, especially the insidious underground unconscious ways, and then strive to change my thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors accordingly.

To be honest, I think this will be a lifelong endeavor. I don’t think I will ever fully shed all the racism embedded within me, but I will keep learning and keep trying to be and do better.

I’m editing this to add more that I think needs to be said:

I probably said some wrong things in this post. In fact, I’m almost sure I did, even though I tried to implement all I’ve learned so far. And I’m still learning, I know that.

But “I’m still learning” doesn’t excuse me from it. There is no excuse for racism.

There can only be understanding, and using that understanding to change one’s thoughts and actions. None of that in any way mitigates the harm it causes.

I’m sure I’ve caused harm, whether I meant to or not. Harm is harm no matter the intent.

And I need no one’s grace but my own in this. I can allow myself grace ONLY because I’m continuing to work to learn and do better.

I’ve spent the past ten days in the beautiful Pacific Northwest, far from my present home in the northeast but closer, much closer, to my true spiritual home, and during this time one of my specific goals was to immerse myself into a deeper connection with Nature. Though my home is in a semi-rural area, affording me an opportunity to frequently bike through rolling hills amid cornfields and farmhouses, I really don’t feel all that connected with the nature element of it usually. Perhaps it’s because I don’t connect energetically with the space, or resist a deeper connection; perhaps it’s the human element in a long-inhabited space that has overwritten the elements of nature, but in any case I felt a huge difference in my little cabin in the forest, a short walk from the beach, easily moving into a space of love and appreciation for Nature and my place within it. I spent several hours roaming the trails through the forest, meandering along the beach, and standing in the rain under the trees at night.

And then I upped the ante considerably and spent some time in a different forest last night.

I entered the forest under a nearly-full moon, bright on a cloudless night, and instantly I felt a different sort of welcoming, an embrace, an invitation. Through connecting with the trees who are themselves all connected and always aware of that connection to one another, to the earth, and to All That Is, I could reach back into time and feel roots tapping into the dawning of human consciousness on the planet with such primordial innocence that it took my breath away.

At the same time I was aware of every possibility that continues to stretch before us in time: possibilities for each one of us and all the myriad possibilities available at any given moment, every choice, every road taken and not taken, and I felt vast, knowing that I was a part of everything that ever has been and everything still yet to come. I was as tall as the trees and as bright as the moon, and I turned my face toward her, accepting the spotlight, fully acknowledging my completeness and perfection.

To say this was a joyous and magical experience doesn’t quite do it justice.

But it served as a wonderful reminder, one that I will take back to my home with me and one that I offer you now, that our connection with Nature is an essential of simply being human. It’s part of us, and to deny it is to deny part of Self.

Afterwards, I channeled this:

There is of course value in connecting with animals, trees, and other elements of what you consider to be “nature”. These elements, are of course, part of your home, part of your world, and are as such connected to you, to humans, in a very intimate way. You share space. You share air. You share resources. Not only that, but you share in the creation of your world, the global creation of the reality you know as life on the physical plane. And because of that, there is an undying connection between you as a human and ALL of the so-called “natural” elements of Nature.

Some of you feel this connection more deeply, more emotionally, than others. Some feel a return, when confronted with Nature, especially in her most raw state, to that innocent and childlike state of simply Being, existing, that lies dormant within all of you. And as such, you feel it deeply when one of nature’s children, one element of the intricate tapestry that is constantly being woven and re-created, moves through natural transition into another state. There is, for you, a deep sense of loss, as there is the recognition not only of the timelessness of transformation and the cycles of life on the planet, but also of the transference of human-type connection to an element of nature. You can mostly only experience connection with nature by transferring those feelings to a more human perspective, and when loss of an element of nature, such as a pet or tree, occurs, there is transference to the human state of grief.

We have mentioned the energetic connections between you and your pets and we wish to elaborate. Again, not only is there a very real symbolic connection here (discovery of Self, of Love, of perspective: these things were gained through and with your interaction), but also there HAVE in most cases indeed been some past-life associations. Though most animals live lives in mainly hive-type soul arrangements, there is a constancy of energy that can flow generation after generation through one individual animal to another, and even of course crossing boundaries of species. There has been for many of you, then, a common thread through many lifetimes of connection with various elements of nature, and it is this thread, now running through you and the pets you love, that has touched this present lifetime.

The lessons from connection to Nature are many and varied and often depend on the individual, but regardless of perspective there is ALWAYS growth opportunity through human connection with Nature. After all, it is your home. It is your LIFE. To deny Nature is denying an aspect of Self, and to fully EMBRACE Nature, to ACCEPT it in all its splendor, ugliness, and beauty, is a HUGE step in actually accepting your Self.